Thursday, August 31, 2006
Chaco to Mississippi and back again
This is an account of Willie's trip to MS and will be written in first person by Willie.
My mother (Ann Haynes) is blind from macular degeneration (which means she has some peripheral vision but cannot read or see detail) and is also very frail. In August of 2003, after the death of my father (Tony), she just needed a walker or cane at the assisted living in Columbus, MS. When a new assisted living home (Lakeside Village -- LV) was built in Noxapater, a very small town where Ann spent her childhood and also in retirement from 1973-2003, she wanted to move there. She moved in on 11/6/2004 and was their first resident. At that time she was still able to get around using a walker and could do most things for herself. During the following almost two years, she had degressed to needing almost total care and being in a wheelchair. She could feed herself but needed help with almost everything else.
For most of the months of July and August, either my sister or I had been getting first weekly and then almost daily calls from LV about various issues involving the need for more specialized care for my mother. The first thing that was tried was a two-week program in a "senior psych" ward to see if some of the anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressants specifically for the elderly would be helpful. After two weeks there, Ann returned to LV, and it became obvious that assisted living could no longer provide her needs.
The first thing my sister tried was to have "sitters" for several hours a day in the hopes of keeping Ann at LV, since it had been her desire to stay there until she died. It seemed no matter when the sitters were there, Ann would cause some sort of commotion at another time. The was eventually having sitters 24 hours a day. This worked out relatively well but had two major drawbacks. The first was that she constantly had another person there, day or night, which was a bit oppressive. Secondly, even at the low MS rate of $7/hour, that really adds up fast and there just wasn't enough money available to continue that course indefinitely.
Finally, in mid-August, after many talks with the people in charge at LV, I decided I would have to make a trip to MS and take care of things. My sister (Cathy) had health issues of her own to deal with, so I was the one who had to handle things. Luckily, Cathy & I have always been in total agreement in these matters, so I had her support every step of the way. It was pretty obvious that we would need to move Ann to a nursing home, with the most likely candidate being the local county nursing home (Winston County Nursing Home -- WCNH), located in Louisville, about 10 miles from Noxapater but still in Winston County. Cathy and I had always thought of WCNH as a gloomy sub-standard place, but this was an emotional judgment, based on no actual fact.
Flying from Chaco is no easy task. Luckily, a friend was going to Albuquerque (the best airport choice) the following week, so this was a good opportunity. The airport is over 3 hours away, so not having to drive round-trip in one day is a good thing! Southwest Airlines has several daily one-stop flights to Jackson, MS, which was quite convenient.
My first task was to visit WCNH and see for myself what we were talking about. I was pleasantly surprised to find a relatively cheerful place, run by a team of very capable women. A lot of the negative feelings had come from the dirty yellow brick exterior, I had not been inside it before. My sister, at the same time, was visiting a nursing home close to her in IL and found it to be quite the opposite. The decision was clearly to move Ann to WCNH. They had a private room available immediately, so we arranged to move Ann the following Tuesday.
Ann's mental state, while fairly lucid most of the time, was too full of anxiety to discuss any decision-making or even the move in advance. I spent a very nervous weekend, feeling very bad about this decision and worrying that Ann would hate me for being the bearer of bad tidings. I decided to tell her Monday instead of waiting until Tuesday, despite several people's opinion to the contrary. I thought it was such a major move that she was entitled to know about it ahead of time.
She took the news quite well, and I did point out that an advantage would be she would no longer have a companion round the clock. She had remarked earlier in my visit that she didn't like never being alone. She became quite nervous later in the day, and she held my hand tightly and trembled a lot. I continued to feel terrible about it but tried to put on a brave face for her sake.
Moving day came and she was ready to go bright & early. We each had to spend time apart, answering questions and being checked over. It seemed initially awful because so much was different, and Ann said several times that she wanted me to take her to New Mexico with me & Doug. I could only respond that she would have to try WCNH for a couple of months before that would even be possible, already dreading the thought of the logistics of that move!
I then left her to get her heavy things moved up by a local man and his wife. When we returned she had had a "terrible" lunch and still was ready to leave and go to NM. I was pretty stressed out myself but again counselled waiting to make this decision and went back to LV for a load of clothes and lighter things. When I returned at 3 pm, I found they had taken Ann to the ER because she had been complaining of nausea. I became quite upset at this news and said they should have just let her rest, since she had been under such stress. They pointed out to me that nausea was one sign of a heart attack and that they couldn't just ignore it and be medically responsible. I still thought they had over-reacted, but continued moving things in and then went to be with Ann in the ER.
They kept her in the ER sitting in an uncomfortable wheelchair for another 30 minutes before the doctor could look at her lab work and xray and release her back to the nursing home (about 50 yards away through several sets of double doors!). Then we had to wait another 15 min for an aide to be free to come get her. They would not let me wheel Ann back to her room. "Procedures" you know!!
She was completely exhausted at this point, and the diagnosis was constipation, requiring several enemas, so I quickly said my goodbyes and went home in tears. Throughout this whole time, I had been in continual contact with Cathy via cellphone. As luck would have it, we both had "IN" Verizon service and could talk without it counting against our regular minutes. After talking & crying to Cathy for about an hour and the same with Doug later in the evening, I finally slept a bit and worried about what would happen the next day.
I returned to WCNH Weds morning dreading what I would find. What I found was Ann smiling & saying what a good breakfast she had eaten and how she didn't think WCNH was such a bad place after all. I felt about 10,000 pounds lift from my shoulders and was able to smile again! After spending some time with Ann and apologizing for my outbursts of the prior day to some of the staff, I went back to LV to clear out the rest of Ann's stuff.
I was ruthless in getting rid of things but still managed to find two large boxes of "treasures" to mail back to myself and Cathy. We gave much away and threw out the trashy stuff. I kept out select pictures to take up for her walls at WCNH. Weds afternoon, my cousin Ann Covington met me at WCNH and hung all the pictures. Ann C is a retired interior decorator, so she has a really good eye. The room looked great after we finished. Ann talked about how nice her room looked and said what a good lunch she had that day. Again, she said she thought this was a good move.
Since things were looking so positive, I made arrangements to fly back on Saturday and to spend Friday night in Jackson so I wouldn't have to drive down so early in the morning. It's about two hours from Noxapater to Jackson. I planned to spend some time on the way down relaxing & enjoying myself.
Thursday morning I went over to WCNH and found Ann attending a little singing service. She seemed to enjoy this a lot, and it was something they didn't have very often at LV. This was another positive of WCNH. Later I looked at the activity schedule and realized that there would be many activities that Ann might enjoy if she had the energy for them. I did some more errands and put some finishing touches on her room and told her I would be leaving the following afternoon. She had been asking when I was going to get back to Doug & the kitties.
Thursday afternoon, her special geriatric chair (a more comfortable chair for someone who can't walk at all, with a tray for eating) arrived and also her very own wheelchair, donated by a free wheelchair program from nearby Philadelphia, MS. I felt especially good to be leaving her so well supplied. I also felt that she was in a more appropriate care facility when I was able to observe first-hand some of the care by RNs and better-trained aides she was receiving.
I visited her twice Friday morning and she thanked me for being there when she needed me and said how much she appreciated my doing this for her. It sure made me feel better about it all, though I hated to leave for so long. It will probably be December before I or we can visit next. I am hoping Cathy will be able to visit in late September.
While there I was also able to visit with many friends & relatives and get their advice, support and a few meals! I appreciated all of it. I spent 4 nights at a little cabin on the grounds of LV, 4 nights at a Best Western in Louisville and 2 nights at a nice little Super 8 in Jackson. Both of the latter had WiFi which was helpful with my travel arrangements. You can save a lot of money booking on the internet. I also saved a lot of money by turning 65 in early August and being able to fly on Southwest Airlines' nice low Senior fares -- about $150 each way and you could book each way separately.
Friday afternoon I had a leisurely drive down the Natchez Trace and stopped and walked around a bit at a lovely rest stop beside the Pearl River, just north of the Ross Barnett Reservoir. It was a gorgeous sight, despite the 96 temps and high humidity, with the abundant water lilies in full bloom. I then visited an interesting sounding bookstore (Lemuria Books -- lemuriabooks.com) that contained a letterbox (www.letterboxing.org) and enjoyed looking around and purchasing a few items. Afterwards, I had an early dinner at Broad Street Bakery & Cafe (www.broadstbakery.com), which had a wonderful vegetarian portabello mushroom foccacia sandwich. Both businesses were located in Historic Banner Hall, an architecturally interesting restored building in the northern part of Jackson.
I arrived at the Super 8 around 6 and had a relaxing evening, making preparations for my 12+ travel day. Saturday I went to the airport about 9:45 for my 11:45 flight, which left on time without incident. My 3-hour layover in Houston Hobby became 4 hours when we had to exit one plane (maintenance issues) and wait for another to become available. I finally arrived in Albuquerque and was so happy to see Doug waiting there for me!
We bought some groceries (when at Chaco, 2 hours from groceries, you can't ever pass up an opportunity for fresh produce!), had dinner and drove back to Chaco, arriving about 11 pm. The cats were all glad to see me and it felt so good to be home! Now I am getting re-settled at Chaco and soon will feel like I've been here forever.
It was a stressful trip with a really successful outcome. I had some very special moments with my mother which I wouldn't have missed. I am so proud of her acceptance of such new surroundings. I wish I could visit her more often and we may take the trailer to MS for a while after we leave Chaco (in December). Things that far off seem too uncertain to plan right now.
My mother (Ann Haynes) is blind from macular degeneration (which means she has some peripheral vision but cannot read or see detail) and is also very frail. In August of 2003, after the death of my father (Tony), she just needed a walker or cane at the assisted living in Columbus, MS. When a new assisted living home (Lakeside Village -- LV) was built in Noxapater, a very small town where Ann spent her childhood and also in retirement from 1973-2003, she wanted to move there. She moved in on 11/6/2004 and was their first resident. At that time she was still able to get around using a walker and could do most things for herself. During the following almost two years, she had degressed to needing almost total care and being in a wheelchair. She could feed herself but needed help with almost everything else.
For most of the months of July and August, either my sister or I had been getting first weekly and then almost daily calls from LV about various issues involving the need for more specialized care for my mother. The first thing that was tried was a two-week program in a "senior psych" ward to see if some of the anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressants specifically for the elderly would be helpful. After two weeks there, Ann returned to LV, and it became obvious that assisted living could no longer provide her needs.The first thing my sister tried was to have "sitters" for several hours a day in the hopes of keeping Ann at LV, since it had been her desire to stay there until she died. It seemed no matter when the sitters were there, Ann would cause some sort of commotion at another time. The was eventually having sitters 24 hours a day. This worked out relatively well but had two major drawbacks. The first was that she constantly had another person there, day or night, which was a bit oppressive. Secondly, even at the low MS rate of $7/hour, that really adds up fast and there just wasn't enough money available to continue that course indefinitely.
Finally, in mid-August, after many talks with the people in charge at LV, I decided I would have to make a trip to MS and take care of things. My sister (Cathy) had health issues of her own to deal with, so I was the one who had to handle things. Luckily, Cathy & I have always been in total agreement in these matters, so I had her support every step of the way. It was pretty obvious that we would need to move Ann to a nursing home, with the most likely candidate being the local county nursing home (Winston County Nursing Home -- WCNH), located in Louisville, about 10 miles from Noxapater but still in Winston County. Cathy and I had always thought of WCNH as a gloomy sub-standard place, but this was an emotional judgment, based on no actual fact.Flying from Chaco is no easy task. Luckily, a friend was going to Albuquerque (the best airport choice) the following week, so this was a good opportunity. The airport is over 3 hours away, so not having to drive round-trip in one day is a good thing! Southwest Airlines has several daily one-stop flights to Jackson, MS, which was quite convenient.
My first task was to visit WCNH and see for myself what we were talking about. I was pleasantly surprised to find a relatively cheerful place, run by a team of very capable women. A lot of the negative feelings had come from the dirty yellow brick exterior, I had not been inside it before. My sister, at the same time, was visiting a nursing home close to her in IL and found it to be quite the opposite. The decision was clearly to move Ann to WCNH. They had a private room available immediately, so we arranged to move Ann the following Tuesday.
Ann's mental state, while fairly lucid most of the time, was too full of anxiety to discuss any decision-making or even the move in advance. I spent a very nervous weekend, feeling very bad about this decision and worrying that Ann would hate me for being the bearer of bad tidings. I decided to tell her Monday instead of waiting until Tuesday, despite several people's opinion to the contrary. I thought it was such a major move that she was entitled to know about it ahead of time.
She took the news quite well, and I did point out that an advantage would be she would no longer have a companion round the clock. She had remarked earlier in my visit that she didn't like never being alone. She became quite nervous later in the day, and she held my hand tightly and trembled a lot. I continued to feel terrible about it but tried to put on a brave face for her sake.
Moving day came and she was ready to go bright & early. We each had to spend time apart, answering questions and being checked over. It seemed initially awful because so much was different, and Ann said several times that she wanted me to take her to New Mexico with me & Doug. I could only respond that she would have to try WCNH for a couple of months before that would even be possible, already dreading the thought of the logistics of that move!
I then left her to get her heavy things moved up by a local man and his wife. When we returned she had had a "terrible" lunch and still was ready to leave and go to NM. I was pretty stressed out myself but again counselled waiting to make this decision and went back to LV for a load of clothes and lighter things. When I returned at 3 pm, I found they had taken Ann to the ER because she had been complaining of nausea. I became quite upset at this news and said they should have just let her rest, since she had been under such stress. They pointed out to me that nausea was one sign of a heart attack and that they couldn't just ignore it and be medically responsible. I still thought they had over-reacted, but continued moving things in and then went to be with Ann in the ER.
They kept her in the ER sitting in an uncomfortable wheelchair for another 30 minutes before the doctor could look at her lab work and xray and release her back to the nursing home (about 50 yards away through several sets of double doors!). Then we had to wait another 15 min for an aide to be free to come get her. They would not let me wheel Ann back to her room. "Procedures" you know!!
She was completely exhausted at this point, and the diagnosis was constipation, requiring several enemas, so I quickly said my goodbyes and went home in tears. Throughout this whole time, I had been in continual contact with Cathy via cellphone. As luck would have it, we both had "IN" Verizon service and could talk without it counting against our regular minutes. After talking & crying to Cathy for about an hour and the same with Doug later in the evening, I finally slept a bit and worried about what would happen the next day.
I returned to WCNH Weds morning dreading what I would find. What I found was Ann smiling & saying what a good breakfast she had eaten and how she didn't think WCNH was such a bad place after all. I felt about 10,000 pounds lift from my shoulders and was able to smile again! After spending some time with Ann and apologizing for my outbursts of the prior day to some of the staff, I went back to LV to clear out the rest of Ann's stuff.
I was ruthless in getting rid of things but still managed to find two large boxes of "treasures" to mail back to myself and Cathy. We gave much away and threw out the trashy stuff. I kept out select pictures to take up for her walls at WCNH. Weds afternoon, my cousin Ann Covington met me at WCNH and hung all the pictures. Ann C is a retired interior decorator, so she has a really good eye. The room looked great after we finished. Ann talked about how nice her room looked and said what a good lunch she had that day. Again, she said she thought this was a good move.Since things were looking so positive, I made arrangements to fly back on Saturday and to spend Friday night in Jackson so I wouldn't have to drive down so early in the morning. It's about two hours from Noxapater to Jackson. I planned to spend some time on the way down relaxing & enjoying myself.
Thursday morning I went over to WCNH and found Ann attending a little singing service. She seemed to enjoy this a lot, and it was something they didn't have very often at LV. This was another positive of WCNH. Later I looked at the activity schedule and realized that there would be many activities that Ann might enjoy if she had the energy for them. I did some more errands and put some finishing touches on her room and told her I would be leaving the following afternoon. She had been asking when I was going to get back to Doug & the kitties.
Thursday afternoon, her special geriatric chair (a more comfortable chair for someone who can't walk at all, with a tray for eating) arrived and also her very own wheelchair, donated by a free wheelchair program from nearby Philadelphia, MS. I felt especially good to be leaving her so well supplied. I also felt that she was in a more appropriate care facility when I was able to observe first-hand some of the care by RNs and better-trained aides she was receiving.
I visited her twice Friday morning and she thanked me for being there when she needed me and said how much she appreciated my doing this for her. It sure made me feel better about it all, though I hated to leave for so long. It will probably be December before I or we can visit next. I am hoping Cathy will be able to visit in late September.
While there I was also able to visit with many friends & relatives and get their advice, support and a few meals! I appreciated all of it. I spent 4 nights at a little cabin on the grounds of LV, 4 nights at a Best Western in Louisville and 2 nights at a nice little Super 8 in Jackson. Both of the latter had WiFi which was helpful with my travel arrangements. You can save a lot of money booking on the internet. I also saved a lot of money by turning 65 in early August and being able to fly on Southwest Airlines' nice low Senior fares -- about $150 each way and you could book each way separately.Friday afternoon I had a leisurely drive down the Natchez Trace and stopped and walked around a bit at a lovely rest stop beside the Pearl River, just north of the Ross Barnett Reservoir. It was a gorgeous sight, despite the 96 temps and high humidity, with the abundant water lilies in full bloom. I then visited an interesting sounding bookstore (Lemuria Books -- lemuriabooks.com) that contained a letterbox (www.letterboxing.org) and enjoyed looking around and purchasing a few items. Afterwards, I had an early dinner at Broad Street Bakery & Cafe (www.broadstbakery.com), which had a wonderful vegetarian portabello mushroom foccacia sandwich. Both businesses were located in Historic Banner Hall, an architecturally interesting restored building in the northern part of Jackson.
I arrived at the Super 8 around 6 and had a relaxing evening, making preparations for my 12+ travel day. Saturday I went to the airport about 9:45 for my 11:45 flight, which left on time without incident. My 3-hour layover in Houston Hobby became 4 hours when we had to exit one plane (maintenance issues) and wait for another to become available. I finally arrived in Albuquerque and was so happy to see Doug waiting there for me!
We bought some groceries (when at Chaco, 2 hours from groceries, you can't ever pass up an opportunity for fresh produce!), had dinner and drove back to Chaco, arriving about 11 pm. The cats were all glad to see me and it felt so good to be home! Now I am getting re-settled at Chaco and soon will feel like I've been here forever.
It was a stressful trip with a really successful outcome. I had some very special moments with my mother which I wouldn't have missed. I am so proud of her acceptance of such new surroundings. I wish I could visit her more often and we may take the trailer to MS for a while after we leave Chaco (in December). Things that far off seem too uncertain to plan right now.
# posted by Doug and Willie @ 2:23 PM 
